My Horribly Perfect Valentine
by FreaksxRxUs
Summary: It's Valentines Day and Sora's running around with a box of chocolates, but, for who? Well, that's what Riku and Kairi are trying to figure out. As this happens, everyone's feeling the day's atmosphere. This can't be good! ?Sora? LC 8x13 6x9 12x11, etc.


Idea is by Freak One. Co-written by Freak Two.  
Fan Art by (Who would do fan art for _this_??!)  
Stfu! We know it's too late/early for this!!!

Warning: Language, shounen ai, het, and shoujo ai.

**My Horribly Perfect Valentine**

It was Valentine's Day, finally! And for once, Sora had woken up... dare I say it... _early_. That's right. Sora, awake, EARLY. A miracle, isn't it? Anyhow...

It was Valentine's Day. And Sora had nothing to do whatsoever, he didn't even _know_ what day it was. He sat in bed, thinking of bunnies with missiles and bazookas taking over the world as we know it. Then, shaking the thought from his mind, got off of his lazy little butt to go take a shower. How convenient, the bathroom was right across from his room!

The boy stripped, throwing his dirty clothes in a random corner before hopping in the shower. 'Ahh... I wonder what I should do this morning... it's only 5:00...' thought the brunet. He closed his eyes in content and thanked the god of hot water. If there even was one. It felt so nice...

Caught up in the moment, the young adolescent almost fell back asleep. He twitched and turned the knob, watching sadly as the water drained away. With a sigh he stepped out, wrapping only but a towel around his... slightly "curvy" waist.

As Sora dried off on his way to his room, he passed by his calendar. He looked at the date and freaked out, for he had finally noticed today was February 14.

"Crap, Crap, Crap, _Crap!_" Sora chanted as he ran to his room, put on random clothes, and ran to the kitchen. Looking from cabinet to cabinet for whatever he was looking for. Sadly, his mom was not home, so he couldn't have asked her how to make what he wanted to make. So Sora decided to try it himself and not ask anyone, especially not _that_ person, for how hard was it?

- - - -

Apparently, it was downright _impossible_ for someone who can _burn_ water to make something as easy and simple as chocolates.

It was now 7:48 a.m. and Sora had accomplished to completely _destroy_ his kitchen. He was covered in milk, egg yolk, lettuce, and sunflower seeds, among other things. You could say that in a way, Sora felt proud.

"Hey hun. Mommy's ho- Oh my God!!"

Or fearing for his life.

- - - -

Sora was able to escape his near death experience by way of a back door that was oh so conveniently placed right by the kitchen.

The good thing of running away from his house until his mom cooled down was that he had three things:

His cell phone.

His iPod.

And his wallet.

The bad thing about running away from home? Well...

His cellphone would only last about another half-hour or so, since he had forgotten to charge it.

His iPod was running on half battery for the same reason... and he accidentally grabbed his friends iPod. Yeah, a girly pink iPod that had only songs like 'Girlfriend' and 'Larger Than Life'.

As Sora looked through the songs, wondering if there was anything even remotely _good_. He got the scare of his life. Because, well, right after 'Shut Up And Sleep With Me' and before 'Don't Cha' was one song Sora never thought Kairi would even look at.

What song was it, you ask? Well...

"...Nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do it in the Discovery Channel..."

Yeah, the Bloodhound Gang. Sora was only _mildly_ scarred.

Well, that was the understatement of the year.

- - - -

On another part of town, Riku was wandering around the sweet shops, _not_ looking for something nice for a certain keyblade master.

"Hey Riku, are you buying chocolates for Sora?" Riku turned around from looking at a giant white bear that was holding a heart that said 'Be Mine' that was on display. Dreading it to be some type of Vincent cosplayer on crack...

Oh, it was just Kairi.

Riku mentally sighed, put on his best smirk, and greeted her in the nicest way possible, "Hi pixie stick!" Well, nicest way coming from _him_.

"You know Riku, if you keep being bitter, you'll turn into a lemon for sure. And then who will protect Sora? Yep, _not_ you!" the red head smiled back.

This'll be a long day...

- - - -

Today was _the_ day! The day that Roxas would remember him, or at least fall head over heels for him. Whichever came first. _Secretly_, he hoped for the latter.

Axel got up in the early bits of morning, which, for him was around noon.

He got dressed in his most drool worthy outfit, sexy eyeliner and all, and went out into the big bad world that was currently not so big and not so bad to him.

Axel took a step out of his apartment building and proceeded to fall in a puddle of melted sea salt ice cream.

Okay, maybe the world was being just a _teeny_ bit bad to him.

As Axel stood up, looked at his sexy shirt, frowned, and was about to go back in, he tripped again, well, more like _collided_, with his neighbor and long time infatuation, Roxas.

It wasn't as enjoyable as he thought, this day I mean, since he _sorta_ did fall on Roxas and dirtied him with his sexy drool worthy shirt that should be illegal everywhere, that was covered with sea salt ice cream, ignoring the fact that Roxas simply adored it. The ice cream of course.

Scratch off 'teeny bit' and put in 'humongously' in it's place.

"Axel! _You son of a..._"

Now, now, we don't need the children that are reading this to get scarred more than they are, do we?

- - - -

This day _sucks_ for every employee, but for different reasons. What are the main ones, you ask?

Well...

They can't be with their sweetheart.

And/Or

They're raped and molested by the people that come into their stores.

Right now, Zexion is suffering from the second one, for he has no 'sweetheart' because of his inability to feel, courtesy of one not having a heart.

"Hey there cutie! What time do you get off?" A ganguro looking girl smirked rather flirtatiously at him. With her blondish-pink hair, she sorta looked like Marluxia, his neighbors older sister's boyfriend.

Which was _very_ disturbing.

_'Is Marluxia not-so-secretly into the Californian look?'_

As the teen kept having a one-sided conversation with him as he scanned her box of chocolates at the register, Zexion couldn't help but let his mind wander.

_'Demyx likes this brand of chocolate. Maybe I can get some for him...'_

And thus, the reason for his horrible day just became not only the second one, but the first one as well.

Well, _sorta_.

- - - -

"Marly! You fucking faggot! It's freakin' Valentine's! Where the hell are my free chocolates?!" Larxene yelled at her cowering-in-fear-at-the-moment boyfriend.

_'Crap! I knew there was something I forgot!'_ Marluxia thought as he looked around for an escape route. "We-well Larks, you see... I sort of... Ah... Oh God! Is that a naked Xigbar?!?!" he yelled, pointing at his opened apartment door.

"What? Again?!? Shit! I'll be right back you! And I want my chocolates!!!" Larxene ran out, listening for possible screams of pain and torture.

"Well, guess I'll have to go pay 'Vincent Valentine's Chocolate Factory' and Zexy a visit." the man huffed, not at all happy that he had to go into town, where there were hardly any plants.

- - - -

How was that? Four pages! And to think, there's more. Why yes! It's _not_ a one-shot! Well, it's not that short, but I thought it wasn't going to be this long either.

Please review and tell us what you think! We might not update until the real day if you don't!


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